By Ava Parnass:
There are so many great things about summer for kids that it makes it hard to say goodbye when it ends. Kids get to roam free, play-play-play (which is a child’s job), have fun-fun-fun and are not required to respond to a lot of structure. Of course, kids will miss all of this. Saying goodbye to summer is hard and we need to treat it as if a person is leaving us. The thing that kids find the hardest to give up is all that extra time they had over the summer with their grown ups. After working with kids for close to 20 years the number one thing kids crave more of is always “time alone with their parents.”
I can say I was sad, name the troubles I had
I got teased and put down, and I felt really bad
I had scary dreams and my feelings were hurt
I say, “When you leave, that’s the worst!”
When my grown-ups are sorry I’m hurting and stressed
And they listen to everything, wow, that’s the best!
It’s hard to feel bad, and it’s harder to say
But a hug wipes my tears away
Transitions are never easy, more so for younger kids, but make no mistake about it, even your nine or ten year old will miss you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking this isn’t so and it’s normal or healthy. If you see your child acting up, not cooperating, being more defiant, begging for toys; most likely they are responding to the perceived loss of time with you.
Don’t worry! I have you covered with things to say:
“ I see you are not listening as much today, are you thinking about summer ending?”
“Are you worried we aren’t going to have enough time? Did something else happen?”
“Was I distracted? Did your feelings get hurt?”
As always parents need to be feelings detectives to figure out what feeling is hiding underneath the unwanted behavior (see blog for more suggestions on being a detective.)
Here’s how you can help ease your family’s feelings about transitioning to school:
• Your best ammunition for transitioning is listening, listening, and listening some more.
• Hug more frequently; view it as they are losing something that they need help getting through.
• Your next best piece of ammunition is empathy, repeat back what they say, acknowledge it, talk about it, find clever ways to make it easier. Most kids will have mixed feeling for a few weeks; happy and excited one day scared the next.
• Help ease their fears by saying “It’s hard to say goodbye to summer, but once we get through it you will love school.” Say “Mixed feelings can be hard”.(Explain the concept if your child is younger)
• Feelings are like the weather; how we feel changes day to day.
• Don’t argue them out of how they feel.
• Have a two week transition plan, use a calendar for younger kids
• Some kids respond to marking off days. Have them choose one activity they like to do daily
• Role-play with dolls and trucks going back to school, leaving grownups, playing teacher. “How does your doll feel about going back to school?” “How do you feel?” “Is it hard or exciting?” Talking about feelings doesn’t make things worse, it helps kids resolve things..
• “I will be here waiting for you so you can tell me all about school.”
• Make up songs, dance daily, draw pictures of summer, draw saying goodbye to summer and going back to school. Have a few small goodbye summer party’s or hello school party’s to help kids handle tough feelings
• Most nursery schools asks parents to put a pictures of the family in backpack or lunch box which you should do, but after years of working in nursery’s, I found out that that does not work so well. If your child misses you, they are too young to think, let me go get my backpack and look at the picture of mom and dad to feel better.
What I did and suggest to parents, is create a bracelet or key chain or belt with family picture something kids can wear on their person. Make a small collage and laminate it at Staples. I made them for many kids over the years. Don’t forget to Reassure them they will still have quality time to spend with you.You may know that they need to be reminded frequently.
I am honored, excited, and flattered to be invited to be a guest blogger for the LivingYrMoment community. Abbey et-al was one of the first friends I made on twitter; I appreciate her community and love being a part of it. It’s chock full of great friendships, parenting and business tips.
Ava Parnass, a.k.a. “The Kid Whisperer,” is an author, songwriter and child therapist, who specializes in marrying entertainment and social-emotional literacy for kids. Ms. Parnass helps kids figure out how they feel through playing, talking, listening, reading, singing and dancing.
See books on Amazon http://owl.li/64hWe
Blog: Listen To Me Please http://bit.ly/hHkKpm
Twitter: @ListenToMePleas
