Work and Kid Balance: When do Work at Home moms get their 8 hour a day break? |

Work and Kid Balance: When do Work at Home moms get their 8 hour a day break? (16 comments)

Posted on on March 26th, 2011 in: A Day in the Life of Abbey (and her family), Articles, Articles & Guest Blogs, Business, General Businesses, My Kids.

March 26, 2011:Do you think parenting styles of MoMs who work at home and MoMs who work outside the home are different?

I want to preface this blog by saying that this is merely just my opinion, none of this is factual and it’s all by observation. Also, this might a little emotionally charged and snarky, but I would love to hear your opinion on my thoughts. I honor and accept that everyone has an opinion and this is mine!

Being a Work at Home Mom the last couple years has given me some insight to the type of mother that I have become. If I could do it all over again and work outside the home when I had children, I would still choose the same path. I would not want to miss my children’s first words, first steps, first anything. Breastfeeding my children for a year with very little bottles for Luci and no bottles for Jake is priceless and something that I would never want to take away from them.

BUT (and this is a big but) there are times when I am a jealous of the mom who works outside the home and this is where I notice my parenting style differs from hers.

Yes, I work from my home, but since Living My MoMent is still growing, I’m still not sustaining enough of an income to enjoy luxuries that some of my counterparts have. We do not have extra money to pay a babysitter to come and watch our kids whenever we want, so I am literally with the kids 24/7. My husband works odd hours so even if we did want to go out, some weeks that is nearly impossible unless we want to hit the clubs with the college kids at midnight. And we are way too old to be doing that.

The mom who works outside the home gets the benefit of being able to leave and claim herself as not only a mom but a woman. There are 8+ hours in the day where she gets to interact with adults on a face to face basis and not have to worry about if her kids are making a mess in the kitchen that she will have to clean up later. She also gets a break from her children. A break allows this mom to regroup and come back home to be a more patient and understanding mom.

When I am home ALL DAY LONG with my children, there are sometimes days where I don’t get any break because of John’s wonky work schedule and my patience wears a little thin. I turn into a person that I never thought that I would be. I love my children with all my heart but they have learned how to test me and I am stricter mom than I ever imagined.

Being able to stay at home with my kids has given me the opportunity for teachable moments at all times of the day. And I love that I am shaping our future leaders to be respectful people but I also take on a no Crap from anyone policy. Tantrums and outbursts are not tolerated in my house and I use these moments to explain that actions have consequences.

Although, my kids are still young, I don’t want to baby them too much and say, “Oh, it’s ok, you don’t have to share with each other.” Instead, I try and explain that someone else was playing with this toy and we have to learn how to share with others. Also, because you don’t get your way, doesn’t mean that you get to throw a fit and/or hit someone. And you must apologize before you get to move on. (GREAT TEACHABLE MOMENT)

Because Luci, Jake and I are around each other all the time, tempers are going to flare and we are going to get on each others nerves. It’s just inevitable.

Yep, you got it, even though I love staying at home with my kids to be able to raise them and experience everything with them, there is still a part of me that wishes for my own break during the day where I don’t have to be mom and business owner at the same time.

All I ask for is something so small and it’s just one hour a week that I can go off by myself and do whatever I want with no kids. It’s my time to escape from my duties. I treat myself to something small and even though it’s a little break, it’s enough for me to regroup.

It’s all about balance between being a mom and woman and finding the time to appreciate what I am able to do by staying home with my kids. One day soon they will go off to school and I will miss them dearly, so for now we just need to figure out how we can get our own space throughout the day so at night, so I am not frustrated and counting down the minutes till bedtime so that I can relax and decompress.

How do you find balance in your life between work and kids?

Tags: living my moment, parenting, parenting styles, work at home mom

16 Responses to Work and Kid Balance: When do Work at Home moms get their 8 hour a day break?

WOW! Did I write this? Are you peeking inside my home?? LOL This is exactly how I feel Abbey! Thank you for sharing..and for validating the crazy life that is work at home momdom!!

I’m glad that it spoke to you! Somedays I just want to sit in my little office by myself while no one pulls on my toes (i.e. right now!)

And yes, I have hidden cameras around 40 different homes in America and I chose yours. HAHA

Abbey, you hit the nail on the head! This post is spot on! I have two children, almost 7 and 4.5. When the elder child was born, I went back to work full time. I loved the “me” time and collaboration with other professionals in the workplace – it was a break in almost every sense of the word – I got to go to lunch with friends, run errands alone, etc. But, I missed so many things. So. Many. Things. When my second was born, I quit that job. I nursed her for a year – something I didn’t get to do with my first because being away from him all day and the stress of the job did me in. I had no plan. We couldn’t survive on one income and today I am four years into a business I never knew I could start or even grow. I miss the office every single day – even with one child in school, M-F, 8:40-4:10 and the other M and W, 9-3. I live for Chamber of Commerce biz after hours gatherings and working weekends – the only times I feel like I can breathe without pulling an all-nighter. Sometimes we have to count the minutes until bedtime, and that’s OK. I wouldn’t change a thing. I am strict, too, and super organized – there’s no other way. What we are doing will serve our kids well on so many levels as they grow older. Keep up the incredible work!!

Thanks, Laura! It’s so glad to hear that other work at home moms are going through the exact emotions that I am. And the thing is, a lot of my family and friends who work outside the home just don’t understand that I’m really here doing this by myself for the most part esp. with John’s weirdo schedule. This fall I will get a break from my oldest cause she will be in preschool 3 days a week and even though I will miss her it will be nice to take a break. Sometimes we are so alike that we butt heads a lot.

You keep it up as well! WE are all doing the best we can do for our kids!

It was as if you were taking notes in my mind and typing them throughout my day!

I too would love an hour of day of just me. I would love to be able to say “I’m coming home late”, “I’m going on a business trip for a couple of days” and talk to adults most of the day lol. However, I chose this 24hour a day job of being a working stay at home mom. And I LOVE IT, but some days it is hard to juggle the emails, the errands, ABC’s, reading times, crafts, phone calls, the attitudes, (ok you get the picture). And I just want a Calgon moment. And every now and then, I get them, and I am 100% appreciative. Because when I think about going back to a 8-5, I get sad of all the things I’d miss.

I’m learning a SCHEDULE, a written down schedule truly works….if we stick with it! So I shall attempt this again tomorrow. ha!

The schedule is the worst part. My kids are pretty scheduled through out their day. We eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time. Naps and bedtimes are the same but when it comes to setting an actual schedule for working, there is none for me. I don’t think I will have a schedule until they are in school. But like you, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

-Abbey

a few years ago my husband and I worked out an arrangement where it is a scheduled event for me to have some ‘heidi time’ usually, it happens on the weekend, but it’s always at least 2 hours for me (& never during an already schduled naptime! )to do whatever i please. once every couple months i get a full day, and a few times a year 24 hours – it is something i look forward to and have come to rely on for my sanity!

I encourage every mama who spends the majority of her days at home to do so as well!

Heidi,
That sounds like a completely reasonable arrangement. I will have to work on the others with my hubby (full day and 24 hours). That would be super fabulous and then he can take a walk in my shoes as well!

As many mentioned above, WOW, its like we are living exactly the same thing in different places :0) It is very hard to balance both running a business and taking care of the family. As you mentioned, I as well would not change it for the world and feel so very blessed that I have the opportunity to be with my daughter 24/7, but it does get hard when there is so much to do during the day and not being able to accomplish everything. My husband, lucky enough also works from home, but I know that he is our main sources of income because my company does not bring in enough to support us, but I know that in the end it will pay off. We are definitely going to try a schedule, which I believe will help us both accomplish our daily tasks. I also think that taking my daughter to playgroups has also helped me leave the house and walk away from work for a while. Even though it’s just me running the company, sometimes it just has to be done and it’s great to be able to talk to other moms and their support :0)
Thank you for posting! It definitely lets me know that I’m not alone in this :0) As for our 8 hour a day break, maybe one day :0)

Victoria, That’s how we break up our day is with music classes, gymnastics and the such. If not, then I would literally go crazy. Make sure you do get time for yourself even if it’s once a week. That’s what I told my husband. I realize that he is the one bringing in the most money but Mom still needs a chance to rest. Cause even when I’m relaxing after the kids are in bed, I’m still working. I hardly ever stop.

I am right there with you. My husband is a college coach and spends SO much time “on the road.” I have 3 girls under 5. My oldest will be going to kindergarten next year, and you are right I will miss her dearly. It’s important to keep in mind on those rough days that they grow up so fast and we can’t get these years back. So BLESSED to be able to stay home with them now. But some days…..whew! It IS rough!

Yeah I couldn’t imagine if my husband was gone as much as it sounds like yours is gone. Well at least your craziness will go down a bit during the day when you just have 2 at home. But I’m sure that your little helper will be missed.

When I finished reading your blog, I felt so relieved that I am not going through this by myself. It seems like the people around me don’t understand my frustrations being home 24/7 with little help with my 1 year old. I love being a stay at home mom and being able to watch her grow and learn with out missing a beat but, there are times I need a break. I have her constantly hanging on me, I am sure you all know how that is I am ready to start looking for a job but her father works odd hours and we can’t afford a babysitter/daycare. I am trying to make the best of things. I liked every ones suggestions as things to keep the children busy however, my daughter is still to young to do any of that yet. I would appreciate some feedback and ideas to help me overcome this overwhelmed feeling I have been having lately. Again I enjoyed reading your blog, thank you for putting it out there

Jaime, It’s totally overwhelming if you don’t have a schedule in place that works for you. Also, even if your hubby can take her for an hour or two a week while she is awake so you can do what you want that is so worth it. If it’s possible you could look for a job at home so that you can still be with her cause I totally understand about not being able to pay for daycare. It’s basically like if you get a job, you are basically paying for gas and daycare, so if you could get a job at home that might give you a little break from being mommy. For example, right now I’m working while one kid is napping and the other is watching Toy Story 3. Yeah, she is still up, but I get a break from “on” all the time. I hope you find your balance.

I can definitely relate to this. I work from home, but thankfully have a few hours when the kids are at school. That little bit of time can be eaten up pretty quickly if I have errands or appointments then I feel the pressure to work at night after the kids are in bed. Like you I have a financial need to do this and must work, but I do appreciate the times I can say, ‘Screw work, I gotta be there for the kids.’ For instance, this week one child had their kindergarten awards ceremony and recognition of their moving on to first grade. On another day one of my other children had their ceremony and recognition of their moving on to second grade. My youngest has International Day tomorrow and I will be with her all day. A few weeks ago my oldest – who is away at college – asked me to come down and participate in a Relay for Life walk with her. Every moment is wonderful and memorable, but as the week comes to a close I sit frantically typing and clicking trying to finish so I can spend the majority of the weekend just being mom and woman.

All moms have to find that balance and it’s not easy to come by. It’s something we have to acknowledge and put a priority on.

This is a great post to let others know they’re not alone.

Hi Abbey!
I loved your post! I have to say- you’re doing a great job. Despite the craziness and seemingly neverending cycle it does go so fast! Every year they’ll need you less and less until one day it’s once again just you and your husband and time to get a life! LOL
I have one starting her sophomore year in college, and in 7 days a senior and a junior in high school! Yikes! My home business is doing well and what was once a part time gig is now our primary income.
Keep at it!
Kudos!

Work and Kid Balance: When do Work at Home moms get their 8 hour a day break? (16 comments)

16 Responses to Work and Kid Balance: When do Work at Home moms get their 8 hour a day break?

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